Impression

All the while, keeping a good impression, being a good boy, being a good student, being mature, not fooling around, serious in class makes me so not cool among my classmates. I care too much of what people think of me, not being myself frequently. Pretending to be someone I'm not, very tiring indeed. Couldn't sleep well because of the stupid bed and the pillow, still thinks that my room is still too small !!! I have too much complaints about this school. I don't like it here. I am not happy. Only with my friends, hayley and tom i can be myself. Not worrying what they will think of me, I can express myself when I am with them. Telling cold jokes, shouting, acting stupid and childish. Cannot imagine how it would be next semester without them. Another thing is the rabbit, just when I thought we were going well, suddenly I dont know what happened, she stopped talking to me, avoiding me and everything. Did I give a wrong signal ? Is she worried that I am chasing after her ? That she dont want to be a third party and ruin my relationship ? I am just looking for friendship. Like what I had in the past, people who I can talk to when I have problems to solve. To ask for opinions, someone to understand me. Which I found that it is very hard here because we are only seeing each other for 6 months. Since she act this way, I think I have to respect her decision. She must have thought about it and decided to act this way, I dont see any reasons to clear things up because I might just make matters worse. We are in the same group, sees each other in class for all subjects. German and even service class. Now, we dont even talk to each other, not even when we are face to face or doing the same task. I just feel that if she wants to avoid me, I better keep my distance. And I think she sensed it already. So, let it be. She always looks up on me because I am picking up everything very fast. German, tourism, everything. Besides that I can also speak fluent english. She used to ask me for help especially for her english presentations. I thought we can become closer by helping her. She even said that she would treat me once. And so, we set a date. All this while, she never text me. For the first time in 4 months, she sent me a text. Telling me that she is going out with her friends, so we have to change to another day. I was disappointed. That was the first, also the last text i received from her. Never knew that she wouldnt give a damn about me after her presentation is done. My friend said that her presentation was the best in class. Of course. But then she never came back, not even to say thank you. That's the least she could do. But then, nothing. What more can I do ? I just have to step back now. Exams are coming and I need to get rid of this out of my head to focus. I just regret that I put too much hope and effort so that we can be good friends, which I should be putting them onto my studies. Because I'm stupid. I'm an idiot. I know clearly that I don't feel anything for her. I somehow managed to apply for internship. Hopefully I get it. Many thanks to tom and hayley for helping me getting through this friendship that never succeeded. It is time to face the reality Pisces, your worst nightmare.