Gone

Few days ago i slept at 3am and i had to wake up at 9.45am to get ready for work.

Suddenly in the middle of my sleep i had this very weird dream.

I dreamed of a friend, a friend which was once closed to me, who understands me a lot and we always talked about our troubles until form 6.

I met her during Form4, through Chow Wing Hong, her name was Gan Lu Yuen. We both attended dance sessions together for a year. We were not that close at first, we just exchanged number because we go for the dance sessions together. After the dance sessions, sometimes her mother would fetch her home and sometimes she would walk back to AMC. We got closer when we started to walk back to our schools more often. We started sharing things, I was in a relationship, later on she also had a crush on another guy. We asked each other for opinions and also she would understand me very much, she was the first true friend which is a female that i had. We never got anywhere beyond that relationship. Although at one point of time before form 6 started, i had this little thought in my mind that she understands me very well and she has been a very good friend to me for such a long time, we share common interests and i admire her dancing a lot. I was indeed fond on her.

Then one day, chow asked me how was she because he had not contacted her for a very long time, so i just told him about her recent situations. At that point of time he immediately realized that i was into her.

Crap.

I told him off and i said no. Of course, he did not believed me because he knew me better than anyone of my friends. Coincidentally, Chow and Lulu bumped into each other just after a few days after we had this conversation. He was working at Blay in parade and Lulu passed by with her friends. And so they talked for a while and on that night, lulu asked me a question. A very odd one. I only remembered the content.

Chow started praising me in front of her, stating that i am a good guy, bla bla bla and CONSIDERABLE. so she asked me if there is something going on. Guess what, I lied. I rejected the idea that i was into her, she believed.

I guess.

and so she started to say things like, we are only good friends and stuff. Well, if i say i'm not sad after hearing those words i would be lying. Soon after that, I realized that it was just a game played between my mind and my heart. I broke up, she was there for me as a friend and that's it. Just that its the stupid habit of Pisces to start imagine things that 99.9% would not happen. Form 6 started and we kept in touch as always. When exams came by, we contact less, a good luck wish on trial exam, stpm, and after that the distance was even further.

Until i decided to come to switzerland had i realize that we've neglected each other. and so we went out one night just to have a drink near her house, with permission of Pei hua, i know it was hard for her, to be a little too generous on this but Lulu, she is an important friend to me, I had to bid goodbye to her at least face to face. and since that goodbye, we've never talked about what we've been through.

Until that dream came by.

We were both in a dance competition, with different teams.

She was angry at me,

( it was a dream and i dont know why she was mad at me too =.= )

and she wouldn't talk to me even when I wished her luck for her performance.

and so i was sad and i expressed that during my team's performance.

Eventually, my team got 3rd place and hers got champion.

and then the dream gets even weirder !!!

I fainted out of no reason and she wouldn't even see me when she knew.

and that was when i woke up.

6 something in the morning, feeling cold, hiding under my blanket.

then i thought for awhile, she has already gone.

out of my life for a very long time.

and i was saddened.

There was no real chance for me to catch up with her, every time i see her in msn or facebook, we talked less than 15 min and her replies was like haha, ya lor, and then offline-d.

must be the line in UPM.

Now all i know is that she is involved in a big and active chinese society and she is dancing again. At least i know she is doing what she love most.

I wish you all the best Lulu, all the way from switzerland.