So.. the end of the world tomorrow ?
guess what ? It's my first day at work..
thinking back how this semester ended so quickly, i just thought it's one of the most memorable times i would have in my life..
suddenly everybody becomes so attached, relying on each other so much, but then it ended so quickly..
throughout the semester, i tried to help those who are weak, not to say that i am the best but i feel i have a responsibility as a older foreign big brother, to help them and guide them..
some people may think that they are not capable, but everyone has their own potential.. just that some people are late to realize them..
i dislike people who judge them based on their past.. i always believe people would improve.. thinking back at my past, i was nothing, i improved and grew up but still learning mistakes despite my confidence that i can handle most of the things..
so, i would not give up on those who are weak, i just want to put faith in them, believe in them, to give them the confidence they need, the courage and the willingness to change themselves, to be a better person, that's all i wish.. i just want to have a little influence on their life..
so that they don't feel that they have been given up..
i don't wished for anything in return
i just want to be a friend where they can rely on
but then, if they would remember and cherish my efforts, that would be nice ;)
sometimes,
i might say that i dont want or i dont like
example,
birthdays
i said i dont like cakes, i said i dont like celebrations
but then every time the surprises came
i would be so happy
but then
the thought of all these would make me cry in front of so many people
so
NOPE!
i am Tan Eean
and i dont cry in front of people
yeah
so if people would really appreciate my help and efforts
it just makes me happy and gives me the motivation to do better and more
today
everyone was leaving, i was sending them one by one.. seeing tears on their faces.. i may not be the reason why their tears dropped.. but i was happy for them, because they had a reason, sad or happy, they can express their emotions, and i was happy to see that they would hug each other so tightly because it just proved that there was something worth to be remembered about this semester..
of course, i wasn't crying
yet
although i didnt believe that the world would end, i just wanted to call my parents.
when i called, my parents and my sister were at a local pub..
knowing that they were together kinds of suddenly rushed tears through my eyes
i was suppose to be there with them
spending time together
instead, i'm here, alone shifting houses, carrying heavy luggage,
changing trains
to get to the other side of the country and prepare for work
my father repeatedly asking me if i was ok
i guess he was worried by my sad tone
i just want to be his big boy
the boy he can be proud of
the boy that he hoped for
the boy who can be independent
tears were already flowing down my cheek
i couldn't stop them anymore
why am i living this life ?
i chose this, but i am not really sure if i am really prepared for it
but then, ready or not, it's here
and so, i told him i'm ok
he said
no matter whatever goes wrong, he and mum will always be there for me
that's all i need to know
and so
i will be your big boy
i will be tough
i will go through these obstacles and look forward to May
when we see each other again
facing the reality is what most people wish not to
all i can do now, is to make the most out of it
i can't change the situation but i can change my attitude
so i just want to promise myself this
every time i go home
i shall be a little bit better than who i was
in terms of behavior
maturity
responsible
and whatever it takes to be a man
back home, there is still one girl waiting for me
she's always there for me
giving me moral support
and always when i feel i need strength
i know she is all i need
sometimes i maybe playful with girls
but in the end, i know my limits,
the urge to resist is all because in my heart she has this very special place
so,i want to be a man
for my family
and
for her
I guess i found my purpose in life
